Why trying to control everything at work leads to worse results – and what to focus on instead
Work often feels like a lifelong exercise in banging one’s head against the wall. Results don’t always correspond with the efforts, and the harder you bang, the more it hurts.
You can write the perfect proposal and still lose the pitch. You toil over a report and suspect it never got read. You can give your best, day after day, and still find your work dismissed, delayed, or derailed by people whose priorities aren’t yours.
Eventually, it starts to wear thin. The harder you try to control everything – the deadlines, the politics, the perception – the more the world seems to push back. All you ever seem to have to show for it is a headache.
But much of this is the result of the illusion of control. And control is limited, while influence isn’t. The Stoics taught that some things are within our control, and some things are not – and that peace comes from knowing the difference.
Your effort is yours. Your principles are yours. The decisions you make and how you carry yourself – those are under your control.
But outcomes? Not really.
You can shape the conditions, but you can’t force the result. Other people have their own preferences, pressures and blind spots. Markets shift. Systems creak. Priorities change mid-project. The world is full of variables you’ll never be able to pin down.
This isn’t fatalism. It’s realism. And once you absorb it, your relationship with work starts to shift.
Results matter – but they don’t define you.
One of the things that makes modern work so punishing is the idea that outcomes are proof of character. If the project fails, it must mean you failed. If you don’t get the role, you weren’t good enough. If someone else is promoted, they must be more deserving.
It’s nonsense, but it’s deeply ingrained. So deeply ingrained that we rarely question it. In fact, from the moment we start school, we’re encouraged to imbibe the poisonous belief that we own our results. If we work hard, we’ll pass the exams, and if we pass the exams, we’ll get a good job.
I guess it’s all about giving people purpose and a sense of responsibility. And there may even be a dose of wishful thinking in there. After all, if we’re not fully in control of our lives, where’s the justice? Where’s the goddamn karma, goddammit?!
Well, no matter how we cook it, no matter the stories we tell ourselves, if we’re being truly honest, we know things happen to us. We’re not in full control of our lives.
That seems to be an unbearable thought to many. And, yet, here we are discussing the consequences of that unkept promise. This nonsense has consequences.
But, for those willing to shake themselves free of that flawed thinking, Stoicism has a better framing. You still aim for excellence – that doesn’t change. But your self-worth doesn’t hinge on the outcome. What matters is whether you did the work properly. Whether you did your best thinking. Whether your actions matched your values, even when no one was watching.
Success becomes something you pursue, not something you depend on. And that shift – from grasping to grounded – can change everything.
The calm that comes from letting go
You can still prepare thoroughly. You can still care about the result. But you’re no longer emotionally tied to what happens next. You do your job well, then you release it.
You speak up in the meeting – and accept that others may not agree. You submit the proposal – and know that it might go nowhere.
You mentor someone – and recognise they may take the advice, or ignore it entirely.
When you stop trying to control things that were never yours to command, your focus sharpens. You conserve energy. You become more resilient, less anxious, easier to work with.
And ironically, you often become more effective – because you’re not being driven by the need to prove something.
Leadership without ego
This mindset is especially important for anyone in a leadership role. The temptation is always to manage perception, steer every variable, hold everyone to impossible standards. But leadership grounded in Stoicism takes a different shape.
You set direction, but you don’t micromanage every step. You hold people to account, but you don’t attach your ego to their performance. You create space for good work, even if it means giving up control over how it’s done.
This isn’t softness. It’s discipline. You focus on what’s yours – and you stop pretending the rest ever was.
Looking ahead
In the next post, we’ll tackle a more awkward truth: that office politics exist, and that you can’t always opt out. But that doesn’t mean playing dirty. There’s a way to engage without losing your sense of self – and Stoicism gives us a blueprint for exactly that.